saint_ori (saint_ori) wrote,

the self, the now, and the never-ending search for reality it comes to us in waves, these moments of lucidity, or rather THOSE moments of lucidity.
but what is waking life? what is lucidity in the context of the dreamer who is always asleep?

i realize that when in good company, i always seem overly anxious, or i give short curt answers. i find out each and every day tht nothing fits to a mold. like our souls are not peach pits, but peach juice, me and you? we're the peach of course. and our terrain, subtly changes in every passing moment.

i suppose the idea is to not judge, but be critical. i find this to have a fine line, but to judge in such contexts in which i live now, it'd be a self-righteous, self-condemning act.

a lot of emotions seem absent from me these days, like the ability of love, but only because it's boundries are so hazy, i dunno if i'll ever find myself content. i do realize it's alot to ask somebody, to care as much as you care about them, or even go further, make you care as much as they do you. and it's usually the second one that throws me around. because nobody in the company of others want to seem vulnerable enough to bring another person closer to them. of course, it'd be easier done in private.

i seem to have already said i was tired of apathy. i'm also tired of this...confusion that we place upon ourselves, this strain we give into that a perfect world is just around the corner. be happy and content if you even get a perfect day, because that itself is a one in a billion chance.

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