saint_ori (saint_ori) wrote,

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 i think what i've needed more in my life is faith and spirituality. but strangely enough, nothing based on religion or god, but rather something giving me faith that humanity itself is moving forward.

I didn't actually find it till i gave myself time to read Teillehard. finally a voice that tells me that i can have faith in our fufutre, that we aren't all a bunch of dipshit idiots floating along a raft. 

none of you are dipshit idiots. only the masses are. aunknow.

i think we've expected too much out of ourselves. maybe i just expected too much from me. it hasn't made life easy, but it sure made life worth living. fear the reaper, but sow the vitality.

in other news, i think i'm gonna take some classes at t technical school and learn how to become an electrician. with a technical career like that, i should get my parents off my ass about doing something, with the flexibility of being able to go to school and have a creative output.  aunknow.

i think what's been happening lately is that i'm seeing things down the timeline, and like...if i want to condense having all of the good times for now or sprinkle it sporadicly(sp?) throughout my life so that i can be happy with being an adult, never looking back on my late teens - early twenties as "the best years of my life" because it's far from it.

if these were the best years of my life, i wouldn't be an anxious wreck of nerves sans girlfriend. it'd be the opposite. i totally want me a girlfriend, but stupidly enough i put my penis in charge of that division. so now i jot down a mantra "my dick does not think for me. my dick does not think for me. ect"

in any case,  i think i'm starting to come into my own now. gonna start registering for school monday. need to look for a job. 
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