I didn't actually find it till i gave myself time to read Teillehard. finally a voice that tells me that i can have faith in our fufutre, that we aren't all a bunch of dipshit idiots floating along a raft.
none of you are dipshit idiots. only the masses are. aunknow.
i think we've expected too much out of ourselves. maybe i just expected too much from me. it hasn't made life easy, but it sure made life worth living. fear the reaper, but sow the vitality.
in other news, i think i'm gonna take some classes at t technical school and learn how to become an electrician. with a technical career like that, i should get my parents off my ass about doing something, with the flexibility of being able to go to school and have a creative output. aunknow.
i think what's been happening lately is that i'm seeing things down the timeline, and like...if i want to condense having all of the good times for now or sprinkle it sporadicly(sp?) throughout my life so that i can be happy with being an adult, never looking back on my late teens - early twenties as "the best years of my life" because it's far from it.
if these were the best years of my life, i wouldn't be an anxious wreck of nerves sans girlfriend. it'd be the opposite. i totally want me a girlfriend, but stupidly enough i put my penis in charge of that division. so now i jot down a mantra "my dick does not think for me. my dick does not think for me. ect"
in any case, i think i'm starting to come into my own now. gonna start registering for school monday. need to look for a job.