saint_ori (saint_ori) wrote,

i thought i was over teenage angst, now i'm thinking it follows you the rest of your life. no, it's not like that....i think i'm more arrogant than i realized. i'm looking at how others react and treat me and i'm much more glad to know the new people in my life than to look at those who filled it up between high school and now.(as always, those few exceptions) i like the fact that people take me as i come and not as "her little brother" or "the guy who talked to barely anybody all those school years." fuck.

it dawned on me that i don't know what i want. i'm highly confused because what i was yesterday, i'm not today, and i won't be tomorrow. theres about two ways you can go with this: Either you take it and become a fuler person. or have assholes beat the identity out of you.

identity... this is what this year has been about. it took me ten months to figure it out, but if i start off the new year not knowing who i am and what made me, deeper than face value, then i can't start my pilgrimage. and there will be a pilgrimage in the next two years. because after finding out who i am, i'm going to need a basis on which to act. and once i find a basis on which to act, i need to find a voice to comply with my actions. but i also need emotional support. it's so hard going this alone.

fuck it. fuck you. i'm tired of letting this bullshit go on. never coming back to this place.
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