saint_ori (saint_ori) wrote,

yes, i am alive.

spirituality and drugs. drugs and spirituality. lemme put my ipod on to take out backround noises while i write this (it's fgonna be a doozy)

i don't usually look to hoffman when i talk about acid, because hoffman was the creator, not the taker. he'll have many a brigt idea about his own drugs, but when i look to the formost expert on hallucinigenics, i turn to aldous huxley, for the man knows truth.

so with acid, i ahve to say that it's not as psiritual as it was the first time i took it. i mean when i take a hit, it get's intensely cerebral, and instead of feeling closer to some outside image of "God" i feel a sharp divinity within myself really. it was quite beautiful, i liked it, and it made me feel on top of the world, but there was something gnawing at my toes about it since the first time i took it.(i was reading siddharta at the time)  it was too synthetic an enlightment for me; i came to terms with the fact that i wouldn't be able to reach true and total wholeness on the drug, but i could definitely explore who i am on it. so i took to giving the acid a job, of helping me explore not who i think i am, but who i am in all aspects of reality:spiritually, metaphysically, philosophicly, physiosophicly, and wutnot.  after it did all that it could do to me, i felt the time to part with it, knowing that now this journey is trekked by me and no sort of substance. certainly, i'll take acid from time to time (very rarely considering where i am now) but it won't hold a cent to my journey now.

i'm only speaking of it in terms with what i'm seeing and what people are thinking.

in terms of spirituality, i know what i must do to feel fulfilled. i know my journey is barely at the start and that there is no end in sight, nor would i like there to be. every moment in waking life, i feel myself starting that journey and ending it at the same time, a perrenial pull from all directions on who i am and what i am able of. and as much as people may focus on the darker moments of themselves, it is only right to say that there is even more in light of ourselves than we may hold dear. the human heart is capable of many things.
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