saint_ori (saint_ori) wrote,

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thoughts of my father

I care for my father more than i could ever say. i'm glad he's out there to look after me when i fuck up, and his patience! his wait for me to come out with it is enduring! i think all along he was trying to teach me to be a better  person(i was close to saying man, but i'm indeed somewhat of a man-boy) even though i resented him for not being so talkitive. i guess i never thought to take in what length he spoke in silence.

Eggs shouldn't be dancing with stones.

i guess i thought for the past 21 years that i took after my mother's design, but she did the rearing while my dad brought us financial stability. so i reared and was reared. but it isn't me. if anything, this year i'll try to be more like my father, just since he's a great father, even through all his nueroses. this whole family is fuckin nuerotic. 

all it means is being able to look after my self. for now, but to be prepared to look after the ones i care about about when the time comes. it's a worthy endeavor, and a earnest one at that.

guess i'm going to black adn tan tonight.

did i ever tell you my dad was a punk? wore a leather jacket, rode a motorcycle, played pac-man till the sun when down in the lil grocery sotre he owned, and did the cocaine? it was back in the eithies thoguh, everyone did cocaine. in new york.  i did cocaine in the eighties and i was like, what, 2? 3? cocaine is a hell of a drug. i had A.D.D. for twelve years after that. i thought those little space ships from "batteries not included" were real. that and unicorns. i never believed in santa. nor in the tooth fairy, somewhat in the easter bunny. never in jesus. always believed in the snowman armies from calvin and hobbes. cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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