We all strive for an idea of perfection it seems, no matter what race or gender, no matter what creed or class. We may struggle blindly to get there or set our eyes open so that we can see through the distance.
now that you have esoterically rebuffed yourself, let's talk some concrete ideals. You need to learn more about personal finance so that you aren't living paycheck to paycheck. you know you're making enough bank that you could start putting shit into savings easily. Also, stop fucking indulging yourself with food. I get it, shit is delicious but it ain't making you look delicious so...cut that shit out. Ease yourself into a diet if you have to but ya gotta start doing some daily exercise to combat feeling this fatigue and fat. Don't do this for anybody else either, fuck all people. Do this for you, so you can feel better because in all honesty, it's about time to love yourself truly.
Keep a clean house. Let yourself and your pup breathe easier. Set a habit of keeping it all clean, no out of sight, out of mind bullshit , you can do better. Stop being so lazy. Stop being so down on yourself too, You always seem on the brink of devastation. Jairo, love yourself. If you can't find sanctuary in others, find it in you. Make your own cathedral and build it from the foundation up. You are amazing and worth it. The new story of you starts when you want it too so...why not now?