saint_ori (saint_ori) wrote,

Hubris. Pride before the fall.

That is how we got to where we are. Not how I got to where I am. How I got to where I am was this weird fascination with the idea of entropy. I gave up a couple of years ago and went into auto-mode. day in and day out of the same, my health declined, my mental sharpness declined, my social interactions declined, my good habits declined and bad habits took over. I felt like I had no fight left. I decided to let myself rot. And then November 8th, 2016 happened. And for some reason, something just said enough. I could no longer let myself waste away.

I'm in a hole I dug myself into and I looked up and saw an ashened sky and I know out there, the land is on fire and I need to claw myself out of this pit. Mud, dirt, and blood needs to get under my nails as I try to fight out of it, until the bones of my fingers show through, I NEED to fight. because I have people I love and need to make sure that the world is better when I leave it. And if the world is deciding to shit on that dream, imma clean that shit off and keep on trucking.

I'm sure that this is all over the place. But I need to let this old self of me die. This bizarre fascination with entropy must go. I have to join the fight in making this a better world. I know which side my heart is on. And I'm so sorry it took me this long to figure things out. I'll do my best to make up for it.

Fuckin' A.

I begin now, in earnest, to cultivate my heart and my hopes. This path will have shit thrown on it and people kicking the back of my knees to make me kneel, but I will not stop. I will not make myself kneel anymore either. For my little sister, for my neices, my soon to be nephew, for every single bit of what we have, I will not be apathetic any longer. And if you dare guilt me for doing so, then fuck off. Make Earth great again.

*mic drop*
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